doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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