i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
