can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
