he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
