Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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