I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's rum buckets o'clock
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
