just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize