did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
