Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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