he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
