I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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