My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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