Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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