you guys were way drunker than both of me
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So squirting runs in the family.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
