you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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