I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
