Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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