we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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