My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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