i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
