hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
