Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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