im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize