Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
