A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
