I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
