If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
