I am puke
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
