Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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