he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
