Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
