Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
