all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
