My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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