Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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