yo everyone went to the hospital last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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