I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
