R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
