I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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