11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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