On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
