Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But break dance skills will only take you so far
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
