So gin and wine won't be happening again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
