I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
