sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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