Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I deserve this hangover.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
