i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
