I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
