he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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