All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
