I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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