I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
what day is it and did you see me today?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
