What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
