I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
