Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
