He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
