You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I touched a dick in church today
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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