She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
