Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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