dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
BRING THE BAGELS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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