Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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