The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize