I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
