Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
