Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
