Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
