if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
