Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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