thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just threw up on my dentist
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
