I got chris browned last night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
