I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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