lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
