Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
