Your mouth is God's brothel.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize