some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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