I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
