I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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