so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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