if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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