i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
