some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
