I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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