3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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